I am doing this. I have done that.
I have given this. I will give that.
I am earning. I am providing for all.
I am always right. Fault lies with others.
I am innocent; others are conspiring, etc., etc.
These & many more such statements we commonly hear from egoistic persons. This is the enemy that resides within us. It feeds our pride & self-interest that is why it is acceptable to us. It seems to raise our status in front of others. It starts from minor things & rises to control everything around us.
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Family & persons over whom we have some influence are the immediate sufferers. Slowly it percolates down to everybody around you. To avoid any conflict, our well-wishers support or go along with our ego trip. This initial success bolsters our misplaced confidence. We feel that we are right that is why others are supporting us.
It becomes a habit. From minor issues we graduate to everything. We don’t care for anybody’s opinion. We feel what we think & opine is always right. Those around us should agree otherwise they should be shunted out of our inner circle. The worst sufferers are our family members & well wishers.
It is difficult for them to blindly allow us to fall into the trap.
Dissent is taken as an affront. A challenge to our authority. Ego is hurt. When we feel our authority is challenged we become more assertive & autocratic. We try to suppress dissent by force or by coercion. When we forcefully try to hold something it either slips out, like sand, or breaks like any fragile thing.
Relationship is the first victim. It is hard to hold any kind of lasting & fruitful relationship. When we feel, except self, all others are at fault than how can understanding prevail. People will start avoiding us because they will think it is better to avoid than get into conflict.
An egoistic person is easily manipulated & history is a proof that they have been manipulated by vested interest. An egoist person is a loner by heart. His ego doesn’t allow him to trust anybody. To cover the vacuum left by well-wishers he surrounds himself by sycophants. Ego is a shield for him to cover his shortcomings.
Self-seekers who desert him in the time of crisis surround a successful egoist person. When he needs them the most there would be no one to help him. Sycophants feed his hunger of self-aggrandisation. It gives us a false pretence of protecting our self-esteem. There is a very thin line between self-esteem & ego. Ego is totally self centric. We get so blinded by our self-interest that we are least concerned about its effect on others.
Self-esteem is totally different from our ego. Self-esteem is something where a person’s reputation is as per accepted norms of the society. Where every individual is a unit of society. What is acceptable to society is acceptable to us. If our deeds are not in agreement than we should & will get reprimand from others. We should gracefully accept our mistakes & rectify them.
But in normal course we take it as an insult. Our ego is hurt. We are not ready to accept our mistakes but try to justify them by pointing out others fault. In our daily routine our ego is so inflated that we get very agitated if anybody asks us to do something over & above our routine duty or behaves differently from our perceived notion. We take it as an affront. We loose our cool, get agitated, start arguing, fret & fume.
What we gain by all this - stress. Negative energy. Why? Just because we had some notion of right & wrong! Who are we to judge? Our judgement will be biased because our thoughts will be in our favour. What is prodding such behavior from us? Nothing but our Ego. When our every action is dictated by our ego than how are we going to act level headedly.
To progress on the noble path, the first thing we have to divest ourselves of is our Ego. Ego denotes all those qualities & virtues, which a person should shy away from. People talk about Sanyas – forgoing everything on the path of spirituality. They have a wrong notion of foregoing things. Sanyas should be of all our vices & not of our obligations, duties & responsibilities. There should be stillness of thoughts & basic nature. Ego evokes turbulence in our lives. We waste time in keeping the turbulence in check than utilizing it in constructive progress.
It is very difficult to accept our mistakes. Ego is the biggest hurdle to cross. It should be the first hurdle but as it is very difficult to cross, we should go about it in a step-by-step way. We should not get discouraged. First, we should try to inculcate the virtues stated above, in our nature. This will help us in fighting the ogre of ego. Instead of getting defeated, we will be prepared to fight the enemy. First signal of ego is that we don’t want to accept that we have a problem. We give innumerable excuses than accept our fault. This should act as a warning signal. When we are prepared we will succeed. We will defeat Ego. Self esteem & self respect will prevail.
Ego is like a big boulder blocking our path. Single handedly it is impossible to move & without moving it our path to progress is blocked. Simple physical effort will bear failure. We require basic changes in our present nature, set of tools, to find strength to fight it. We need to accept the fact that, to improve, we must remove this obstacle - Ego. Then only we will get the impetus & will power to work at removing this Ego boulder. It is nearly impossible to win at one go. Slowly slowly we should chisel away at our drawbacks. Then when it comes to the final push it would be comparatively easier. We will win.
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